Benci's fine!

My little sweetie is feeling much better and thanks all of you for your well wishes.

I was thinking today while I rode my bike home under the gorgeous blue sky. I was thinking about volcanoes. Living over here on this side of the pond, the volcano eruption is rather a big deal. I know dozens of people that have had travel plans interrupted, everyone started coughing in the past few days, and the volcano continues to erupt. It's strange to think of how something so natural, like a volcano, can totally disrupt the whole world.

The last time this volcano erupted, in 1821, it erupted off and on over a period of two years. It also caused the eruption of a much larger and deadlier volcano nearby. The smoke and ash could be seen in the sky over Europe for months. The movement of the ash eventually led to the discovery of the jet stream, as people noticed the setting sun painting the sky unnatural shades of red and purple. Like this:

Apparently this is actually what the sky looked like in Denmark. Who knew?

And all of this ruckus got me thinking about the fact that I really am quite far away. I guess I never really noticed it before. For me a flight across the Atlantic is not a big deal, just a slightly inconvenient day. Remembering the time difference has become second nature and I do it without thinking about it. Hungary has become so natural to me that I rarely even notice how different it is. Sometimes I open my mouth and Hungarian just tumbles out without my having planned it. I can talk to my family on my cell phone while I'm out running errands and it's crisp and clear. I forget that I'm far. I just forget it, because to me the world is a small, cozy place.

The concept of not having the ability to fly for months or even years throws into sharp relief every one of those 4396 crow-flying miles (or 7075 crow-flying km for my metric-speaking friends) from Budapest to West Clifford, though.

Random funny thing: http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/lists/12-best-test-answers-all-time
The answer to "What is hard water?" killed me. KILLED me.

Horror!

What do you think when you see the little face up there? Do you think, "Eww, a rat!"? Do you think, "Gee, Lauren sure is obsessed with her little rodent."? Perhaps, "Aww, Benci!"

I can guess what you almost certainly don't think. I would bet hundreds of forints (HUNDREDS!!) that you don't think. "Oh my goodness, a rat! What a mysterious, rare, and exotic animal!" Unless, of course, you are a veterinarian. In which case, come to my flat. Please.

It turns out that in Hungary rats are considered to be exotic pets. Which means that when you come home and find your little darling baby with a red crust all around her eye, steadily leaking blood from her eye and sneezing, and you call a vet to try to make an emergency appointment, you are told over and over again that that vet doesn't see rats. Nevermind the fact that it is Sunday. No vet will see you and your incredibly exotic pet.

Happily, it turns out that my precious ratty is most likely not dying rapidly of horrible eye cancer. It turns out that when rats are stressed or have a cold, they cry. And it turns out further that rat tears are blood red.

That's right. Bencelita is actually a Bond villain, crying tears of blood.

Why it's only one eye remains a mystery. I'll be trying again tomorrow when more offices are open to find someone to look at her.

Lauren, the absentee blogger.

I know. I know.

But hey, look.... the NYT did some of my work for me!
http://travel.nytimes.com/2010/04/18/travel/18surfacing.html?th&emc=th

In lieu of an actual update, I give you links

http://www.kxan.com/dpp/news/Road_signs_warn_of_zombies

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/03/how-fish-almost-destroyed-my-childhood.html

http://icanhascheezburger.com/2010/04/10/funny-pictures-wars-convenshun/

Graduate school

I got accepted to study on a grant at the University of Alcala in Madrid next year.

Lauren in Budapest will have to come to an end, though I figure that the blog will continue. Get ready for Lauren in Madrid.

New adventures. Sadness, trepidation... and a whole lot of excitement.

Taxes

I have finished filling out my tax forms, am awaiting on a paper from my school detailing my pay structure, and plan to mail out my very first tax-filing on Thursday. And may I say? Agh!

I don't know what is wrong with me this week, but something is off. I'm stressed, I'm snippy, I'm not sleeping well. I think I definitely need to get out of town for awhile and chill. Happily, we're heading for Berlin Thursday night for Easter and the long weekend. We're taking the night train. I love trains... they are still exotic to me, especially the ones with beds in them.

You know what the three most exciting sounds in the world are?
Anchor chains, plane motors, and train whistles.

Hungarian elections

Ok, Hungarians. I know you are out there reading this blog. Occasionally you comment, but now I am asking you to comment. Tell me about your elections that are going on right now. What are the parties? What do they stand for? Who are you supporting, and why? Who are you against, and why? I'm very curious and I can't find much anything in English besides wikipedia articles, which I don't much trust.

Legyetek udvariasok is, legyetek szívesek!

Spring, thoughts on a future goodbye, and a recent one too

Spring came today. Seriously. Yesterday it was cold and windy, and this morning the sun was shining, despite the chill in the air. I decided to chance it and rode Tiffany into work, which wound up being a great decision, because the afternoon was beautiful. Wearing only a cardigan for warmth, riding leisurely along the gorgeous west bank of the Danube, watching puffy white clouds reflecting in the sparkly water... it was perfect. It's amazing how much the weather can affect my mood, as well as the opportunity to finally get a bit of exercise!

Spring, however, also makes me very nervous. It reminds me that April 9th is coming closer and closer, when I will finally know my future. It also reminds me that after spring comes summer, and with summer comes the closing of this chapter of my life. I suspect that that will not be the end of my time in Hungary, but it will certainly be a big end nevertheless. I will be back to America to actually be there for awhile, and then with any luck I'll be living in Spain. Which is something I've wanted for years and years, but also something very scary and new. Doing this masters will be a really intense experience for sure, what with the working full time while studying thing. I'm really excited for it. I'm also terrified to leave Hungary.

The thought of leaving my students actually makes me cry. I only have 60 more school days. I know that they will barely even notice I'm gone come September, because part of the joy of little kids is how resilient they are. They'll have a new native speaker teacher, and hopefully that person will be a good teacher and a good person and love the kids, and then the kids will love them. These kids though... man. They've made me such a better person, so much happier, positive, and trusting than I was when I came here. I came to Hungary so angry, so bitter after my time in California. I'm sitting here now, a bit melancholy at the moment, but generally so full of... I don't know. It sounds corny to say peace, and yet that's what it is.

Hungarian, this godawful language that used to cause me such stress, flows out of my mouth. It's still not very good, actually, but I can communicate almost anything I want to. And I like it. I've even started joking a bit. I find the language funny in a slightly awkward way... the way the words work together to form new words always makes me laugh. And I'll miss this weird little language. The culture, of course, is just starting to sort of make sense to me. I know how to do things now, and my life here is starting to be so easy. I still get frustrated sometimes, because oftentimes the natural Hungarian reaction to something, or how they go about doing something, just strikes me a stupid. But I no longer really get stressed, or take it personally, I just sort of shrug and say... well, it's Hungary. Most of the time.

Leaving my rat is going to just kill me. Not getting to tease Balint everyday is going to just kill me.

My life here in Hungary makes sense to me. It's a clean, happy, fulfilling life where I am constantly entertained and amazed and frustrated just enough. It's also starting to make sense in a more day-to-day way. I can buy stuff, find stuff, ask for directions. I've found almost all the food stuffs I need, and every sort of restaurant I missed. I'm even giving Spanish lessons. My life is awesome... time to leave. Sigh.

Bearing in mind that I have such a short time left in Hungary, I've decided to make a real effort to really make it a fantastic time. To that end, I'm spending more time outside. I'm carrying my camera around with me. I've recommitted myself to lesson planning and creating really awesome lessons for the kiddies. I'm speaking more Hungarian at work. I'm trying really really hard to not stress out about the cleanliness of my flat too much, but go get a glass of wine instead. I will go to more museums and monuments and parks and spend less time watching streaming TV.

And I've pretty much cut a friend out of my life. Which is the recent goodbye up there. Now, I don't have many good friends here in Hungary. I have Lyla, and I have Balint and Magda, and even Anna and Bill. Beyond that, I have colleagues who I am friendly with, and occasionally will hang with, and some other foreign teachers scattered throughout the country, who are glorious individuals but not in Budapest. And this person I considered to be a good friend, but I realized recently that this person doesn't actually respect me: they discount my feelings, they don't help me adjust to life in Hungary despite being Hungarian, and they only agree to see me on their terms. It was stressful, and it hurt me, and I constantly felt like I was less when I was around them. Like they weren't really interested in knowing ME or being MY friend, but rather in having someone to fill this need that they have... and I realized I don't need it. So I'm done with that. And that rips my heart out, because I also don't believe that this person meant to hurt me, but since I've started explaining how they hurt me they've continued doing the same things, and in the end I think it's for the best.

So I'm really sad about that, but also proud of myself for actually saying "no," for actually looking out for my feelings and emotional well-being above those of others. So I guess I can thank that friend for that, at least.

Toenail thief

I went to bed last night, blissfully unaware of my toenails. I woke up this morning with one toe all bloody, and a large section of the toenail ripped off. Toenail thief? You suck.

So I've spent the evening consoling myself with enchiladas and a mini-marathon of the live-action Tick series. Batmanuel makes me giggle. As I'm sure you can guess by looking at the picture, he is a really inappropriate character. If any of you find yourself the victim of a toenail robbery or other similar misfortune, I can safely recommend this series to you; 9 little 23-minutes episodes in length, it is surreal and hysterical. The tragic thing is that it took me until about the 4th episode to figure out that Batmanuel is a play on Batman. I just figured he was a Hispanic fellow dressed as a bat. Oops.

Relaxing?

I have been ordered to relax and heal. And healing I most certainly am... I ate oatmeal today! I also ate soup, and was rewarded with only moderate nausea after both. I may still be sleeping 10 hours, topped with 4 hour naps, and be a little loopy and strange, but I am definitely healing. I was too queasy to head across town for my Hungarian lesson today, but did manage to teach a private lesson, which was totally disjointed and weird, but luckily to an old student who I think found my inability to function oddly charming.

Relaxing, on the other hand, is proving a lot more difficult. I have taught Bencelita to chase things. I did some Hungarian homework. I am totally up-to-date on all possible theories regarding Lost's latest developments. I cooked said soup. I downloaded some movies. I read a book. I've started writing my much-dreamed-about cookbook. I edited a bunch of photos. I've done an insane amount of general putzing around. Yet I am twitchy, and itchy to get back to my life, to see people and do some contributing to society.

And... now what do I do? Monday is still a long way away, even if tomorrow I do have the great excitement of going back to the doctor, this time with the ability to function, and even a private lesson to look forward to tomorrow. I don't know how much more relaxing I can handle.