On love and friendship

Sunday is Valentine's Day, which I was blissfully forgetful about until my mom's package arrived, chock-full of goodies. Looking through them, I thought: sweet. I have a totally legit excuse to give the kids candy. Then today I logged onto facebook to put up some over-due photos, and everyone has the "Valentines Day meme" going on in their profiles. And that got me thinking about love, and friendship, and all these strange interactions we have with the people around us.

I've been single for over a year now. I'm not particularly concerned about it, however. I've had several successful dates over the past months. It's just that I find myself detached. On the rare occasion that a man actually interests me, it is because he is like me. Which means that he is also detached, or one of us goes on a long trip, or we're both too busy, or neither of us are quite willing to commit to another foreigner in a foreign country. And all of that makes perfect sense to me right now. My world is huge, and I see no reason to limit it. Besides, my plans for the near future make anything too serious rather unappealing at the moment... I've done the distance thing already and don't really care to do so again.

That's actually not the kind of love I'm talking about, or even thinking about. I just think it's remarkable to recognize that what I viewed as such a black and white thing in the past is dissolving, like most other things, into puddles of gray as I age. I'm amazed at the different kinds of love I see and feel every day, at the different ways people manifest friendship and respect. I wonder how much of this is age, how much is living away from home, how much of it is my mind projecting what I hope to see. Still, it all seems very real to me.

It's been snowing a lot, and the crosswalk at our tram stop got a small hill of snow thrown into it when the plows came by. Every morning there is a little old lady who walks with two canes at the stop, and she struggles across slowly and painfully but confidently. Lyla saw her last Tuesday on her way to work (I get to sleep in on Tuesdays) and mentioned that she had had even more trouble than usual due to this snow hill. The next day, sure enough, there she was. Lyla and I helped her over the snow pile and continued on our way to catch the bus. The thought of her having to be lifted over that pile of snow morning after morning until spring came killed me, though, so I did the only decent thing I could think of to do and that evening stood in line at the ticket booth to talk to the lady behind the counter. I explained the situation to her, and asked her in my best Hungarian (which still involved me using the word for pretzel sticks since I didn't remember the word for crutch) if she could please tell whoever it was that needed to be told to take care of the situation.

"What a loving little foreigner you are! I'll take care of it," was her response. And I was struck by her words. Loving? Surely not. I was just being decent. But I just smiled, embarrassed, and headed on home. But sure enough, the next morning when I found the crosswalk cleaned of snow and the little old lady striding across on her canes, I felt such an outpouring of love for that ticket agent, and whoever had actually shoveled the walk, that I could scarcely believe it. Love for a BKV employee? Never! And yet, there it was (along with a healthy amount of HAHA! pride at finally having been successful in something in Hungary at the first try). Love at the universe just working out for good.

"Miss Lauren. I love you Miss Lauren." I received this note from a second grade girl this week, on a little card cut sort of into a heart shape and decorated with flowers. She pointed at the flowers. "I draw them. With a pen!" Then she kissed my cheek and ran away.

Lying on the couch watching tv, I regularly snuggle my feet under Lyla's thighs to keep them warm. She sighs, but doesn't swat at me.

I'm having a fight of sorts with a friend. He insulted me, pretty much due to fun and awesome Cultural Differences ™. And now we're writing each other long emails, trying to explain our feelings, trying to explain our cultural imprints and natural reactions to the other, trying to make the other understand us at least.

A colleague today was visibly tired and stressed. I offered to take the class together so that she could go rest or get some work done. She didn't take me up on my offer. We smiled at each other and got to teaching. Having a friend that you can just lock eyes with, and smile at. Who has figured out which side to approach you from so that you don't jump into the air, startled. Whose opinions you can predict with uncanny accuracy. Making each other laugh with quiet ease, a few dead-panned words, or a facial expression.

Being comfortable enough with a relatively new friend to admit you will miss her while she goes skiing for a week. A colleague closing a door on your face, and then jumping up when you open it to apologize for not having seen you, rubbing your arm and staring you in the eyes. A furry little monster licking your whole face, and then falling asleep in your pocket. Talking to a friend from home on chat. Friends from home helping you even when you're in Hungary.

Forgiving people even when they don't ask you to. Forgiving people for not forgiving you. Forgiving people for not being exactly how you wish they would be, or for not being able to read your mind, or for not acting in a way that makes sense to your experience. Forgiving others and yourself for Cultural Differences™.

Emails with strange photo attachments of hamsters incorporated into the text. A card from my sister.

I have Monday off work, so I'm getting out of Budapest for a few days. Tomorrow night will be Tara's school ball in Mariapocs, and we'll be attending because country balls are awesome, and because we've meant for over a year now to get out to visit Tara. Then we will be heading to Oradea for Sunday night, a cute town we've passed through before but haven't had the opportunity to really visit. Should be a great long weekend for me.

I always read that I should tell someone every day that I love them. So here's today's. I love you!