My walls are white. My cupboards are empty (ish). My pantry is stark. I have a small pile of clothes sitting on one shelf, and the rest are packed away into three (ARGGHH) suitcases. My belongings are gathered, boxed, and tidied. A few precious glass pieces are separate in a little gift bag, ready for me to hand carry them to America and then back to Spain. Mo is sitting on my bed, ready to be hand carried as well after the trauma that was Christmas when he was almost lost. My pictures are down, neatly tucked into my carry-on bag. My post card collection is down, neatly packed into a small box. Almost everything that isn't coming with us was given away last night, and what wasn't will be placed on the corner soon.
I've already said goodbye to several friends, and will say goodbye to a few more in a few short hours. I'm going to Kecskemet tomorrow to say goodbye to a few more. The last few I'll see next week, and then I'm gone. And while that was certainly very real for me... it's the starkness and whiteness of my flat that is getting to me the most. It's like I never lived here.
I worry that it will be like I never lived here. It's arrogant, but we all want to feel like we've made a difference in the lives of the people that we care about. But I've moved a lot. I know the promises that are made about keeping in touch are rarely kept, not through anyone's fault, but just through the hustle and bustle of life. I know it's never quite the same. I know that it's normal and natural, a part of life, of growing up and away. But I don't want to lose these people. I don't want to lose this place.
My flat is so white, and I feel sick inside.
3 comments:
The color and bustle that was in your apartment is in you now. you'll hand carry that no matter where you go. I know all those 2-4th graders think you made a difference!
Love ya and hang in there, Dad xoxo
You will be remembered in most of the kids you taught. What greater way to be remembered then for the difference you made in their lives. Your home is where you are -not the walls that are now bare. Please hand carry bean for me. I cannot imagine not having him. See you on Saturday. You have been gone so long, but it is already over. Time goes by fast little one-be strong. I love and miss you, Mom. o0xo0x
Can't wait to see you and kiss you. Your memories are all in you and that apartment will be there for a long time but your happiness will go with you Remember all you gave your kids and all they gave you That is what counts Love and kisses Grandma XOXO
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