Oh my goodness!

People who aren't my family or other CETPers read my blog. Wow!

In response to the first long response on the last post, this is something we (being my other American friends) have discussed at length. And that is the difference between the head and the heart. So yes, my head understands. My head studied modern western history, with a focus on politics and government. My head has soaked in lots and lots of museums. My head is, frankly, fascinated by all the funny little differences and the many serious large ones between here and there. But sometimes my heart just wants a hug and someone to offer to listen to me talk. It's a natural disconnect between the two, I think.

To the second, you are right: my one Hungarian friend, and some I've briefly been friends with, have asked me how I am. I think I just want my colleagues, or the lady I buy my breakfast from every single day, or the lady I sit next to on the tram three or four mornings a week to throw something my way beyond the requisite "jo reggelt." In America, you would make small talk with these people. You would be friendly with them. Unless you dislike them. And I think that's the biggest part of it for me, and for the others I've discussed this with. Even though our brains go "no, it's not true!" we can't help but feel that the reason people act like this to us is because they actively dislike us, not because we simply aren't close friends. And you feel this in your belly and in your heart, and your brain goes, "shut up silly girl," but the feeling is there anyway.

And normally my brain wins and I smile anyway and go about my day and am so genuinely happy in this place and life. But just, this week, I have so much personal stuff going on, and my head hasn't been able to win. Hungary is a great place for a happy American. We bounce around, laugh, horrify the nenis, bask in the history and architecture. But I think it's not the best place for a sad American. But my issues will sort themselves out and I'll be a happy American again and in love with this country once more, don't you worry yourselves about that.

And I don't feel badly about Hungarians. I've mentioned before how much I admire how loyal you are to your families and close friends, how hard you work to make a life out of often less-than-ideal circumstances. I haven't mentioned that the dark humor an unfair amount of you are blessed with rocks my world. I love that I am actually offered slippers in situations where I am expected to take my shoes off. The respect and care shown to children, the elderly, and the disabled is amazing. Your school system is SO MUCH more sane than ours. My little rant was directed solely at the lack of "how are you?"s. And, of course, the scary nenis!